Friday, November 13, 2009

Never Ask

Oh, the embarrassment!

There's one question you should never ask a woman of child-bearing years: are you pregnant?

Last night, I ran into someone I don't see very often. She's someone I really like, it's just that what with everyone's busy schedule, we don't get together very often. The last time I'd seen her (back in August), she had been sitting at a table and we only talked for a few minutes.

This time, I was the one sitting down and she was standing up, so I got perhaps a slightly skewed view of her as we talked. I've always known her as quite a heavy woman, but last night I couldn't help noticing her very prominent, rounded belly. She really looked very, very pregnant, even for someone who's already quite heavy.

After some to-ing and fro-ing in my mind, I decided to ask if she was pregnant. After all, I think we like each other quite a bit and it would have been impolite to NOT ask, especially if she was ready to pop in a month or so, which is exactly the way she looked.

So I asked.

And she answered...very graciously..."No, I'm just fat." She couldn't have taken it better and I couldn't have felt worse.

Let that be a lesson to us all.

8 comments:

  1. Ouch.

    I think that probably falls under the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" category. You were going to either be rude or insensitive. Pick your poison...

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  2. ahhhhhhhhhhhh lmao....
    As someone who has done this....I saw the title of that post on my sidebar and thought...holy cow, I hope she didn't ask if someone was pregnant...and YOU DID. ouch.
    Once was enough for me too. I made myself a promise, that was t his: Unless I see the baby descending from that area, those words shall never pass my lips again. Don't worry, the redness recedes in a few days.

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  3. It is just as awful to be asked if you are expecting when you aren't, as it is to be the one asking. I've been asked and I have asked. When my last child was born a nice little old lady from my church came up and told me that her husband was surprised when I came to church with a newborn baby. He had assumed I was just getting fatter! I couldn't believe she would tell me that. Like that was supposed to make me feel good?!
    I, too, have vowed never to say those words again.

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  4. I too have made that mistake. OOoops! I was also asked after the birth of my second one, when I had stepped out for just a couple of minutes "When was I going to have that baby already??" Double ouch!
    I have vowed to never ask anyone unless there is no room for doubt. None.

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  5. I've never done this. You know why? Because it happened to me over, and over, and over again!! In fact I got to where I had a pat answer for the question. If I didn't know them, I'd say, "Why yes and the baby is due in ____" I'd fill in the appropriate month!

    It sounds like she was gracious and you didn't know! You never know - it may spur her onto healthier choices.

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  6. Oh - by the way. Thanks so much for the question on the blog today. I'll answer it in a post soon. I have talked about it some, but I like the way you phrased the question.

    Have a great night.

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  7. There but for the grace of god........... Don't feel too bad about it. It was an honest mistake - and as my Mum used to say the person who never made a mistake never made anything!

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