Friday, November 13, 2009

Never Ask

Oh, the embarrassment!

There's one question you should never ask a woman of child-bearing years: are you pregnant?

Last night, I ran into someone I don't see very often. She's someone I really like, it's just that what with everyone's busy schedule, we don't get together very often. The last time I'd seen her (back in August), she had been sitting at a table and we only talked for a few minutes.

This time, I was the one sitting down and she was standing up, so I got perhaps a slightly skewed view of her as we talked. I've always known her as quite a heavy woman, but last night I couldn't help noticing her very prominent, rounded belly. She really looked very, very pregnant, even for someone who's already quite heavy.

After some to-ing and fro-ing in my mind, I decided to ask if she was pregnant. After all, I think we like each other quite a bit and it would have been impolite to NOT ask, especially if she was ready to pop in a month or so, which is exactly the way she looked.

So I asked.

And she answered...very graciously..."No, I'm just fat." She couldn't have taken it better and I couldn't have felt worse.

Let that be a lesson to us all.


  1. Ouch.

    I think that probably falls under the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" category. You were going to either be rude or insensitive. Pick your poison...

  2. ahhhhhhhhhhhh lmao....
    As someone who has done this....I saw the title of that post on my sidebar and thought...holy cow, I hope she didn't ask if someone was pregnant...and YOU DID. ouch.
    Once was enough for me too. I made myself a promise, that was t his: Unless I see the baby descending from that area, those words shall never pass my lips again. Don't worry, the redness recedes in a few days.

  3. It is just as awful to be asked if you are expecting when you aren't, as it is to be the one asking. I've been asked and I have asked. When my last child was born a nice little old lady from my church came up and told me that her husband was surprised when I came to church with a newborn baby. He had assumed I was just getting fatter! I couldn't believe she would tell me that. Like that was supposed to make me feel good?!
    I, too, have vowed never to say those words again.

  4. Oops! Oh well, what can you do now?

  5. I too have made that mistake. OOoops! I was also asked after the birth of my second one, when I had stepped out for just a couple of minutes "When was I going to have that baby already??" Double ouch!
    I have vowed to never ask anyone unless there is no room for doubt. None.

  6. I've never done this. You know why? Because it happened to me over, and over, and over again!! In fact I got to where I had a pat answer for the question. If I didn't know them, I'd say, "Why yes and the baby is due in ____" I'd fill in the appropriate month!

    It sounds like she was gracious and you didn't know! You never know - it may spur her onto healthier choices.

  7. Oh - by the way. Thanks so much for the question on the blog today. I'll answer it in a post soon. I have talked about it some, but I like the way you phrased the question.

    Have a great night.

  8. There but for the grace of god........... Don't feel too bad about it. It was an honest mistake - and as my Mum used to say the person who never made a mistake never made anything!