Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Blowing Off Steam

What do you do when you're accused of asking for too many favours when it's actually the accuser who does this all the time?
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9 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 28, 2009 at 11:21 AM

    Hmmm I think it would depend on your relationship with the accuser. If you don't need to see this person again - you can react any way you like!
    But if this is someone you will have future dealings with (friend, colleague, family member etc) - initially I would suggest do nothing for 24 hrs, so you (and they!) can sleep on it and calm down. After that you could have a conversation / confrontation / agree points of view..... or whatever you feel like! Best of luck!

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  2. AnonymousOctober 28, 2009 at 11:28 AM

    Remind them of this is a cool, calm, rational way. Next time they ask you for a favor, call them on it. They may not even realize that they're requesting favors, it happens sometimes like that. And then ignore them for evermore.

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  3. NewMeOctober 28, 2009 at 11:52 AM

    Unfortunately, it's someone I work with fairly regularly. I didn't take Francesca's advice and sent an e-mail saying that her blindness to her own behaviour did not warrant further comment. Everyone else in our little group (there are only about 15 of us in the entire city who work in the same field) thinks she's bat sh*t crazy, but we have to put up with her since one of the major employers in our field does hire her.

    I'm sure that this will pass, but I'm fuming right now.

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  4. WWSuziOctober 28, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    Try saying no to some of the favors she requests!
    A very hard situation when you works with them regularly.

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  5. AnonymousOctober 28, 2009 at 3:26 PM

    I find smiling at bat sh*t crazy people helps. Sort of infuriates them while helping you to feel in control. If this is all thru e-mail and you have to work with her, ignore the crazy parts and pare it down to what you need to get done. If it's not your responsibility, don't do it. And send an anonymous letter to that major employer in your field telling them what a nutjob she is.

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  6. Diane, Fit to the FinishOctober 28, 2009 at 4:26 PM

    I hate the feeling of being taken advantage of. I will often take it, and take it, until finally I snap. Then off goes the email or phone call.

    It sounds like you have already let her know how you feel. Next time I'd just turn her down when she requests a favor without doing one in return.

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  7. NewMeOctober 28, 2009 at 4:35 PM

    Thanks for all the great comments. It's appreciated.

    Amy-unfortunately I work in a tiny, tiny niche market. There are so few people who do the work that I do that every single one is a precious commodity--not every day of the year, but there are times when we just can't meet the demand.

    The "major employer" would just get annoyed at ME if I talked about what an idiot she is. The only thing I could do would be to refuse to work with her (there are already two people in the country who won't work with her, but they're thousands of miles away) and that would probably result in ME getting less work. It's a bit complicated and I don't want to go into detail.

    Anyway, I'll just have to be civil to her, but NOTHING more.

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  8. ChristineOctober 28, 2009 at 6:29 PM

    My favorite response to idiots who always ask for things and never give back is to start saying "I'll have to get back to you on that"....and then never get back to them. Or, "I would, but you do it soooo much better"...or, "I don't think it would help you much if I did that, I think it would be 'enabling' (be sure to use your air quotes). then put an understanding smirk on your face, pat the shoulder and go about your business.

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  9. Anne HOctober 30, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    Maybe the other person is just projecting - frightened, angry people often accuse the other person of the very thing they are doing!

    Gosh - I wouldn't want to have any of ya'll mad at me - you all "mean business!" ♡ (or am I projecting??)

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