Tomorrow is my birthday. I am not aging gracefully.
Today my knee gave me constant discomfort, bordering on pain. The only thing I can think of is that I walked too long a distance wearing the wrong shoes over the past couple of days. Wearing athletic shoes, not high heels. Wearing what for a normal person would be good, "sensible", ugly shoes. I felt depressed. Almost cried. Sucked it up and didn't cry. Realized that there are probably some nasty peri-menopausal hormones in the mix. Hubby agreed.
I did a bit more reading on what's going on with my knee. It's not pleasant. Even my yoga teacher--who is always telling me that we can make things better--admitted that I might need a sports medicine therapist who REALLY knows his/her stuff to get me working on weight machines. The thing is, if I go to the wrong person, I could end up flat on my back or worse. A bad suggestion from a well meaning therapist/trainer could leave me unable to do even the little bit that I do now. And my yoga teacher had to admit that was true. The last time I started doing the exercises that a physiotherapist recommended to strengthen the muscles in my leg (in order to stabilize my knee), my operated hip began to do some very worrisome things. I still haven't recovered totally and that happened back in September.
I have a very narrow "margin of error": working on improving one part of my body usually brings on pain (and not the good "wow I'm getting my muscles moving" kind) in another part of my body. I'm always bringing myself back from the brink of serious damage...to my back, my knee, my operated hip...just from trying to do a little extra exercise or from adding something new to my exercise routine. In a nutshell, I'm screwed (pardon my language).
The more I think about it, the more the idea of visco-supplementation in my knee seems like a useless and possibly downright bad idea. Visco-supplementation won't make my kneecap track properly and that's the problem.
Today is one of those days when I feel beaten. I'll pick myself up and go on, but it's not fun.
C'est la vie.
Bad and Getting Worse
1 day ago
Hi Wendy. I can understand your frustration. This is a very tough position to be in, hormones or no.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing that the only option then for the knee is surgery - and I know you've had such problems in the past with surgery that you're naturally not keen. I wouldn't want to do it either if I were you.
I don't know though if it's better to have the op sooner rather than later? Does a delay increase the possibility of further damage?
Such a complex thing to weigh up.
Many of us, in one way or another, are delicately balanced. I have spent considerable periods of time on a knife edge with my mental health - that if I stepped out of line in any way eg not doing everything I needed to do that day to keep myself OK - I would suffer serious consequences.
It's frustrating and can feel like a prison. But if you follow "the rules" you CAN stay OK.
All you can do is make the best of where you are right now.
Bearfriend xx
Thanks for your support, Bearfriend. It helps to hear from fellow "tightrope walkers", even if the tightrope is different!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, best wishes for your birthday. (I won't say "happy" birthday.) Secondly: I am sorry you're feeling bad and I understand your frustration. No, it's not fun. I hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteHi Wendy - so sorry you are feeling down - but I know you are not out. Good luck sorting out the best thing to do for your knees.
ReplyDeleteI hope your birthday is a special day for you that hormones and painful knees don't spoil.
You deserve a special day. And remember growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional!
Will be thinking of you xx
Yeah, the tightrope is a good analogy. I feel as though I have teetered along precariously for quite a while, balancing my physical & mental health needs against my obligations as wife/mother/daughter/small business owner/etc...
ReplyDeleteHow's that old saying go? "You can't please 'em all, all of the time?"
I think I'm confusing that w/fooling some of the people all of the time, or ALL of the people SOME of the time... Then again, I may just be getting hypoglycemic!
[I've got to have something to blame for not making sense]
Nevermind!