About a month ago, a weight loss blogger on another site asked her readers about the weight at which they felt "this cannot go on!". I knew exactly what weight that was for me. It was the weight that I was at the first time I started seriously dieting. I was about 15 and somebody said something seriously insulting to me about my weight. I began a once a week liquid-only fast and was really careful what I ate during the balance of the week. I lost the weight, but of course gained it back over time. However, that start weight remained my highest for many years.
Over the years, I gained and lost, but it was only when I moved here to Toronto that things went really wrong. Some of it was due to depression (not clinical, but I was unhappy about moving here, my mom died shortly after we arrived, etc.) and a lot was due to my worsening arthritis and botched hip replacement (subsequently corrected, thank goodness). That "highest" weight actually became a goal that seemed impossible to reach again.
Well, now I'm within about two pounds of getting DOWN to my symbolic highest weight, but I feel perfectly alright with that. Thanks to the yoga, I'm probably more toned than I was the last time I saw that weight on my scale. I walk a lot more and, brace willing, I'll be doing some biking and elliptical training too (the saga continues) in the near future.
And my attitude's different. That's probably the best part.
Yesterday, I wore a pair of my skinny pants. They're still a bit tight, but loosening up. Hooray.
In the evening, I put on my yoga tights and did my practice and then I got silly. I tried on all the "slimmer me" clothing that I shlepped all the way from Montreal to Toronto when we moved nine years ago. For the most part, this is clothing I haven't worn since my 13-year old was a baby, or even before my 16-year old was born. I tried on several pairs of pants, three dresses and a blouse. Some of the pants I can now wear (though they're snug). One pair is still too small (bought in Florida about--gasp!--18 years ago, but still looking nice). The dresses definitely haven't been worn since before Son #1. I can get into them more easily, but they don't look good so they're back in the closet. Ditto for the blouse.
It was a silly-fest, but fun. Where were the boys (bearded one and teen-aged ones), you ask? At a "Nine Inch Nails" concert. I wouldn't know their sound if they scratched those nails across a blackboard, old fogey that I am.
This morning, I took out the trusty tape measure. Slowly, slowly, the numbers are creeping down. Re-hooray.
I thought more about my fear of losing weight, since I associate weight loss with being ill (hyperthyroidism). I think if I lose more than a pound or two a month (or one kilo), I'll be able to be proud of myself but not scared. This means that I may not see my very reasonable target weight for another 1 1/2 to 2 years (arggh) but staying healthy and getting healthier must always remain equally important goals.
I guess I'll have to write a special post about hitting my "highest" weight...on the way down.
Oh and just a little aside, I tend to buy classic clothing so I don't think the dresses have gone out of style. They're simple, somewhat fitted sleeveless summer frocks. I would like to wear them again and I don't think anyone would think they'd been in the closet for over 16 years! Or then again, maybe I'm deluding myself about my sense of style...