Monday, August 23, 2010


This is not a post about weight loss, weight maintenance or weight anything. Just letting you know.

Yesterday evening, I had about ten people over at my place for a little get-together. For the most part, we are well-educated, middle-class "professionals", some single, some married, some with children, some not. We all went to the same high school and represent a fairly good cross-section of the school's graduates.

We had a great evening and talked up a storm, all sitting around my dining room table. For most of the evening, I spoke almost entirely to the people sitting nearest me and also did a lot of jumping up and down to go to the kitchen since I was the hostess (BTW, I didn't mind that at all. I love having guests over.)

At the very end of the evening, I carried a large bowl out to the car of one of my guests since she was helping another guest who has a severe degenerative disease get into the car to take her home. And that's when I learnt that my disabled former classmate--one of those nice, settled, married, professional, middle-class people--had recently been knocked down by husband, and not for the first time. He has left the house and left her with a number of unpaid bills plus a mortgage (in both their names) coming due in a month.

My first impulse--which I immediately quashed--was to ask her what she was doing, staying with someone who has apparently been physically mistreating her for at least 8 years. You don't expect a woman who has a good education and an interesting career to be a punching bag behind closed doors. But it happens. And it happens more often than we could ever imagine.

She has a lawyer but says the lawyer is not answering her basic questions, i.e. will she still be able to stay in the house in a month's time? She's in shock and I don't think she's processing things very effectively. My friend who was driving her home said she would look into helping her find another lawyer. I gave her the phone number of the women's assault line.

Sometimes it's horrifying to find out what lies underneath the surface.


  1. I look back at my 15 year marriage as a verbal/emotional punching bag and wonder how did I get to that point? It's such a slow process you don't realize what is happening - well maybe you do, but your husband is so good at convincing you that he is right, and since you get tired of arguing with him you just accept the fact. And when you accept the fact for years it now becomes your way of thinking too.

    we are also embarrassed about it and don't want others to know so it's usually a surprise when friends/family find out.


  2. I have a friend who is just now going through the process of divorce. Her over controlling husband of 20 years suddenly re-located jobs,left her high and dry with the three kids, and met someone else and is now expecting a new baby with the new woman.

    Like you said, unbelievable.
    I hope it all turns out o.k. for your friend.

  3. your friend needs to get a freeze on all marital assets till they can get to court....she needs a lawyer who will be proactive.
    A pitbull if you will.
    Tell her to ditch the moron she currently has and start swinging away with one that will get down and dirty and fight.
    If she is stunned, she needs a hard nosed lawyer even more.
    good thing asshat left.