Monday, February 22, 2010
Psychology tells us that the greatest source of stress in the workplace is a lack of control over one's work. This describes to a T my work. I work in a very niche market, so it's hard to describe from the outside. Suffice to say that once the contract is signed, everything is out of my control. Amazingly, things work out relatively well most of the time, but the feeling of powerlessness--repeated contract after contract, year after year--is starting to overwhelm me.
Of course, the kicker is that I work in a well-paid profession. I guess that even though people make it incredibly hard for me to do my work in a credible fashion, they figure that they're paying top dollar so I might as well shut up, do the job (as well as possible, under often impossible conditions) and cash the pay cheque. Today, I felt like a high-class whore. You pay her, you do what you want with her. I'm sure these women are even more used and abused than I could ever be, but the parallel still seem sound to me.
I've been vaguely thinking about changing professions for several years now. I still don't feel anywhere near finding a solution, but I'm going to have to do something--either to calm my nerves (and the unnerving, yet frequent feeling that I want to rip someone's throat out) or to get out while I still can. I just have to find a different way to make a decent living. Easier said than done.