Monday, September 7, 2009

Seeing Things Differently

A few nights ago, my husband was watching one of his favourite TV shows, Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, hosted by Guy Fieri. It's a really enjoyable show. Fieri travels around the U.S., visiting eateries that are off the beaten track: places that aren't chain food, junk food restaurants, that are family-owned and that make really tasty, down-home cooking.

Now, my loyal readers know that I have nothing against yummy food--far from it. I also really feel strongly about supporting local, family businesses. The "Mc"s, the "Bell"s and the "King"s of this world are the antithesis of what I believe in, both in terms of healthy eating, and good business and labour practices.

So there we were, hubby and I, watching as a fellow named Jamie prepared these amazing sandwiches smothered in garlic (one of Nature's perfect foods, IMHO), and smoked some incredible prime rib in his backyard smoker. The scallop and shrimp dish also looked out of this world. (Apologies to those of you who are not big on meat, lol).

My husband, who has become a major foodie since he began watching the Food Network about 5 years during my long, difficult convalescence from hip surgery, was in foodie heaven. And then, stupid me piped up and burst his bubble.

"Don't you think the portions are bit oversized?" I asked innocently (or words to that effect).

"OK, that's it. I can't watch these programmes with you! You take all the fun out of it!" he answered grumpily.

I went on (I suppose adding insult to injury) to explain that I really loved the show, that it was fun, etc. etc., but I didn't think it was wrong or even took any of the pleasure away if I watched it with a critical eye. This did not sit well with him and I have dropped the issue entirely. There are certain things you have to do to promote "peace in the home".

In past posts I have alluded to my husband's distaste (what an appropriate word!) for discussing--let alone modifying in any way--the way he eats. It's not that he eats particularly unhealthy foods. I would say that over the years he's definitely added more veggies and somewhat more fruit to his daily diet. But together, we have gained enough weight in the past 20 years for it to be quite visible. I have lost some, but not all of that weight yet, while he refuses to even weigh himself once and acknowledge the facts.

My husband has not opposed in any way what I am doing for myself. Nor has he encouraged me. He is a very caring man. always concerned about my well-being after all that I've gone through. But like many men, he rarely discusses things. In his defence, on Saturday, while we were out downtown (tramping around looking for some second-hand boxed CD sets of a TV show that went off the air a few years ago and that we're only now watching and loving), he remarked on how even a year or two ago, he would have worried that I couldn't do so much walking (it was a 10K step shopping trip). The fact that he would actually verbalize this made me feel really good. He rarely says things that are overtly supportive--he's just not one for showering compliments on people. As far as my modest weight loss goes--he's acknowledged it, but only when prompted.

I know that the best way to encourage change in others is to be the change you want to see in them. It's just easier when you're working on it as a team, rather than as a participant and a silent observer.

Ah well. Believe me, my hubby has a myriad of wonderful qualities. He's just not perfect. Neither am I. Nor are you!


  1. I love garlic too, but I seem to have problems processing it.

    And my mother thinks I'm perfect. So there!

  2. Know what you mean, Jack. My late mother thought I was perfect too.

  3. Your right about the change in you, encourage change in others is to be the change you want to see in them. I know exactly what you mean...and he will come around..Believe it or not Sean hasnt always been supportive all the time either...I started loosing weight 6 months before he did and now he has lost more weight then and when I stopped smoking for two years, he couldnt make it a day without one...but look at him now..i hope hubby does come around for you, because it is so much easier when you got someone beside you on life changing decisions..

  4. Thanks for the support Irene! It means a lot to me.

  5. I do understand what you are saying here. What strikes me is that you are so wise and insightful about how he is reacting to your lifestyle changes, and how you see him in such a positive light.

    My hubby still doesn't eat the way I do, but perhaps someday he will!

  6. Thanks for the compliment, Diane!

  7. Dwayne is a terrible eater...meat, bad carbs and sweets are the mainstays of his diet. Do you know how many double bacon cheeseburgers, fries, whole racks of baby back ribs and bags of potato chips I've watched him suck down while I've been trying to lose my weight?? VOLUMES!! Here's the kicker. We've been dating for 5 years and he weighs the same as he did the day I met him, give or take 5 lbs. I hate men. LOL totally kidding....but you know what I'm sayin' ;)

  8. If my boyfriend eats like that I would be really happy. Consider of his weight, he's a little under weight. I suggest him to eat everything he wants. He did, but there isn't any single change in his weight... Why doesn't he gain weight?