Looking For the Reasons Why

I had two hip surgeries on the same side, one in 2003 and the second 8 months later in 2004. As I've explained before, the first one did not work out and the surgeon had to start over and re-do it.

I consider my second surgery a success in that I now walk without a cane (my younger son spent the first 10 years of his life seeing mom with her cane), can drive long distances without pain and I don't limp anymore. But the surgery was not as successful as I'd hoped. I can put on my right sock, cut my right toenails and tie my right shoelace more easily now, but that doesn't mean that it's as easy as it is on my left (unoperated) side. There is a huge difference in flexibility between my operated and unoperated sides which I see when doing yoga. I have spent a lot of time on "hippie" sites (where hip replacement recipients meet and greet on the Internet) and I know that many hippies have much better post-operative flexibility than I have. And I ask WHY, WHY, WHY???? Of course, it's hard to get a straight answer from my surgeon. He's a major big-shot in the field and I've tried asking, but have yet to get a straight answer. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough. It's so difficult dealing with big-shot surgeons. My best take on it is that a) there's a lot of scar tissue and b) he probably intentionally limited my flexibility to lessen the chances of dislocation (he's very old-school).

So why I am telling you yet again so much about my hip? Why?

Because I am starting to feel tired of asking why about things.

Why do I just love the taste of food and my (very slim) friend B. can pretty much take it or leave it? Her fridge looks like yours or mine, just before we've finished emptying it out for a major cleaning. Except that that's what her fridge looks like pretty much all the time.

Why is gaining weight so fast and losing it so slow? Why, when my friend R. noticed she'd gained a few pounds, was cutting out chips from her diet for a few weeks enough to lose that pesky weight? Why did she never stress and never see her weight balloon up?

Why do I love sweets while my friend S. can totally live without them? Why does she naturally eat so slowly and calmly and always keep her weight at an even keel?

When I've got a problem, I need to understand why it is the way it is. And generally speaking, I think trying to better understand our world and the world in general is not a bad thing. However, I have a tendency to over-intellectualize my world (as if you haven't noticed!) and sometimes it's no help at all.

So sometimes, in response to all these whys I just have to answer, "whatever", and just get on with life, trying my best to make good choices and giving myself permission to just be me.