Monday, December 7, 2009


I've been feeling very ambivalent about my blogging recently. Perhaps it's just that I'm a bit ambivalent about my life right now: too much stress on many levels and the realization that I need to find a way to deal with it.

Food is not much of an issue compared to stress. It's been almost a year since I started changing my attitude towards food and how I eat. Although I don't think I was ever a particularly emotional eater, now food is even less of an issue. My stress comes out in other ways. My challenge is to deal with bad, stress-induced habits that have nothing to do with food, but that must be dealt with nevertheless.

I'm also feeling ambivalent towards blogging because I know the food message I advocate here is quite unorthodox. No plans, no planning, no calorie counting (of either food eaten or calories burned), no bad foods, no good foods--just lots of "soft skill" development: listening to and answering the hunger signal, listening to and respecting the fullness signal, legalizing all foods (thanks for the term, Francesca!), moving your body, loving yourself just as you are now rather than beating up on yourself for falling off the wagon, not looking perfect not getting results fast enough...

It would be great if I could say to everyone, "Look at me! It really works! I've lost all the weight I wanted to and kept it off!!", but that's not the case. The wall I've hit is totally related to my handicap and how it prevents me from doing the exercise I want and need to do. It's frustrating to realize that now that I have finally found what is right for me, I can't put it to work entirely. So the results, while good, are not all that they would have otherwise been.

People want to see results. I can't blame them. Weight-loss blog readers like numbers--preferably if they're going down. No numbers...yawn. No tangible change...yawn.

I think I do have a success story to tell. But it's not exciting and the real success lies in the long term. What if I manage to maintain the weight that I have lost (about half of my ideal goal) for two years, five years, forever, but never manage to lose the other half? In the "Biggest Loser" universe, I am a dud. In the weight-loss universe, I'm not very exciting.

I intend to just keep plodding along.


  1. I hope you'll continue to blog. I enjoy your blogs and should comment more. I have learned that every single blogger has his/her own way of doing it. I don't count calories either. I just have a good sense of how much is enough. I always did; I just chose to ignore it.

    "...the real success lies in the long term."

    Well put!

  2. That nuanced approach is one I'm slowly, slowly, slowly transitioning to as I get to the end of my weight-loss journey. I'm trying to find ways to make certain I stay excited about what I'm doing even tho I don't have that big mountain to climb anymore. The challenge of maintaining is nowhere near as sexy as the one of losing...

    I hope you'll stick with the blogging, too. Yours' is a truly unique voice.

  3. I love your posts! You are definitely a success in my book.

  4. I, too, love your posts, you're a rare bit of common sense in what seems to be a lot of craziness. I think you're doing great, too. I'm only obsessed with weight because I was trained that if I'm the right weight, my life will be all of a sudden perfect, which is complete bs, it still sucks, really no better. Anyway, I feel badly that you can't exercise the way you'd like, while i feel it gives me more wiggle room, I think one can be healthy even without it. I'd trade you my exercise habits for a husband and kids who love me anyday. OK, maybe not the kids, but a husband and job and close friends would be just great.

    I hope you don't stop blogging.

  5. I thoroughly enjoy your posts. I read many blogs and everyone is different re: eating and exercising and what stage they are at.

    I am currently floundering in my own flab with no end to the binging in sight. If that bores anyone who reads my blog, so be it. I am not perfect, don't claim to be perfect and will lose weight my way (hopefully I turn around soon).

    Long story short. I enjoy all your posts.

  6. All I'm looking for is common sense and some "ah hah!" momments. I find that in your blog and a few others.

    My eventual success will be dependent on my mental success.

    Cindy in CO

  7. I agree with Cindy. Mental success is the key - and you can't get that from plans or meal replacments or calorie counting. If that worked - we would all have lost weight and kept it off - and there would be no blogs.

    I think as a community we encourage each other and keep each going. Your blog encourages me - and I hope mine encourages you. We are all in this together.

  8. You are a success because you have achieved something a lot of people never do. You have lost a substantial amount of weight. If you don't lose an ounce more you still have gained victory over some bad habits, changed your health for the better, and encouraged others along the way.

    I like your blog!!

  9. I enjoy your posts even if I rarely take time to comment - I, too, count myself as a 'mental success' even if I have to come to terms w/the realization that I may NEVER reach that elusive goal weight...

  10. Hi Wendy. I think your blog is really important. You represent an ideal which many people aspire to but sadly most will never achieve. Usually of course the reasons for that are nothing to do with food, but to do with psychological factors and sometimes medical conditions.

    I'm labouring under both of these. My rampant overproduction of insulin means that I can never trust my "hunger" and also that I am never satisfied. My doctor can offer me no help with this - in fact the only advice is just to eat to plan and don't deviate.

    I can only dream of being where you are!

    Even though most will not be able to match your achievement it's important that you are there to let people know that it can actually be done.

    So I hope you will keep going!

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

  11. Hello - like the others here, I too hope you will keep blogging -for selfish reasons as I very much enjoy reading your posts! But if life is feeling busy and stressful right now, and if blogging is just one more thing on the to-do pile, only you can judge whether it helps you or hinders you!

    Whether your "weight loss numbers" go up, down or stay the same forever - your voice is still valid and also valued by all of us reading you!