The Real NewMe

Source: julieb.net

Not long ago I said that I was hanging up my weight loss chops and settling for maintenance. And that's exactly what I've been doing. I didn't weigh myself for about 3 weeks until Friday morning. My weight was rock solid, neither up nor down. No, I am not where I want to be, weight wise, but I have succeeded in losing a tiny bit of weight and keeping it off. Could be a lot worse.

I know that with my extremely limited ability to exercise, I'm much better off keeping things on an even keel than trying to cut down my food intake to a point where I'd just get angry and fall off the wagon.

It's not perfect, but I do think I've gotten the hang of eating what I enjoy in reasonable portions. The vast majority of what I eat is "healthy" but I sincerely believe in the old saying "Man does not live by bread alone" or its modern version "Woman does not live by tofu alone". Like Sean Anderson, I don't ban anything. I know a fair bit about what's healthy and what isn't, and even how to cook things in the healthiest way possible. I also know that a piece of artisanal French bread or two squares of chocolate will not send me into a tailspin. So I'm holding my own, neither up nor down.

But the real NewMe does have her work cut out for her in other ways. I'm still very much learning how to deal with a world that is far from perfect. I have a lot of anger inside me (suffice to say that it is not directed towards family members, thank goodness) and it is no doubt having a negative effect on my health. I suspect my cortisol levels are through the roof. This is the hormone that is released when you are under stress. Two of its nasty side effects are weight gain (or trouble losing weight) and high blood pressure.

I have been seriously thinking of changing careers and going into something which is less stressful and more gratifying. There are a few people I need to get in touch with to get the ball rolling and I have just sent my first e-mail to someone who could potentially steer me in the right direction.

Although I do yoga several times a week, it has done nothing to lower my stress levels. To get that kind of result, I would probably have to constantly work with a teacher. Left to my own devices, yoga is a worthwhile series of physical movements but not a path to serenity.

A lot of my anger stems from feeling literally physically held back by my knee. Exercise is useless and in fact dangerous since my knee is misaligned and tracks improperly. The more I use it, the worse it tracks. I either have to accept things as they are or speak to a surgeon. After my unfortunate experience with hip surgery, the idea of going under the knife again fills me with dread. I may yet do it, though.

Being in my mid-fifties is an interesting experience. I really feel the difference between myself and many of the bloggers I read who are 15-20 years younger than I am. Their goals and their view of the world are so different from mine.

I am starting to realize that I am actually entering a time of renewal, a time where certain doors are closing and where others are opening up. The trick is to find those new doors.