Observing, Reflecting, Regrouping, Hoping...and Other Stuff

I've been characteristically silent recently and it's been weighing on me, as have all the reasons for the silence.

I am at a crossroads emotionally and work-wise. It has become increasingly clear to me over the past six months or so that I am developing an ever deeper fundamentally pessimistic view of life. I think I've always had a bit of pessimism hidden away in me, but nothing like the way I've been feeling since last fall (and to a lesser extent for the past two years or so). My recent fall off the deep end is linked to several factors, which of course are probably related to deeper and much more long-standing issues that were finally set alight and exploded in the fall of 2011.

Despite the fact that pessimism and catastrophizing seem to be my daily lot right now, I am also a person who cannot sit still and let it all happen without a fight. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with a psychologist who comes highly recommended by a hugely successful business woman I know who herself had some issues that needed tending recently. A few hours later, I've set up a 15-minute introductory interview with a career counselor to see if we should start working together. Then, on Tuesday night, I'll be attending a seminar on mid-life career change for women.

Needless to say, I'm looking forward to these upcoming appointments.

On Wednesday, I'm also seeing my hip surgeon to get the results of a recent test to see whether my hip prosthesis has loosened. It's been less than 8 years since my hip surgery and it should be way too early to be thinking about further surgery. But something is definitely wrong with my operated hip and I need to know what's going on. Your good wishes will be greatly appreciated.

Wednesday night, I'm off to Halifax, Nova Scotia for a two-day conference. It's a beautiful city on the ocean, as you can see from the above picture, and I'm hoping that the time away will help me to rest my mind a bit, even though I'll be working at a job that gives me more and more stress and less and less gratification (aside from the paycheque!).

But Where Are the Stairs?

I was at the hospital twice last week. Not to worry (at least yet, lol). My hip surgeon sees all his patients at the hospital. That was visit number one. And then visit number two was to have a test to see if my hip prosthesis is getting loose (yes, that's the potentially bad part--I should know more when I go back to see the surgeon at the end of the month and get the results of the test--but it's no use freaking out, whatever the results are...)

So there I was, at one of Canada's largest hospitals, needing to go up just two floors to get to my appointment and looking everywhere for the stairs. No luck. There was an escalator to go one floor up, and a bank of elevators in plain view, but the stairs? Nowhere to be found. That day, I ended up taking the elevator, first to the appointment with the surgeon, then two floors up to book my bone scan, one floor down to get a blood test, one more floor down to book the follow-up with the surgeon and finally one escalator ride down to get out of the hospital.

Two days later, I was back for the bone scan and this time I was set to do some sleuthing. The bone scan was a two-part affair, so I had some time on my hands and yes, I did find the staircase, which I used several times that day.

But here's what really made me laugh. On every floor, there was a little sign to tell people all about how good it is to take the stairs. I've posted one of them above. It says, "When you go up, your blood pressure goes down." There was a whole series. Great messages, good idea, but if you can't find the stairs, what good will it do?

Maybe the next time I go back to the hospital at the end of the month, I'll try and find someone and ask them to post better signage so people can FIND the stairs!!

Be Honest

In their heart of hearts, isn't this what most people think--even those of us who intellectually believe in Health at Every Size?

I'll admit it. And it doesn't make me happy.