Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Miss Bean is Gone


Last night around 9:45 p.m., our 9 year-old cat Jelly Bean started crying quite suddenly. In true cat fashion, she hid under our bed and we had to prod her out. As I put her in the cat carrier, I saw that her hind legs seemed heavy and unresponsive.

By 10:30, we were at the emergency veterinary hospital. I drove down with my older son in the back seat beside Miss Bean, trying to calm her down a bit. Her cries were heart breaking.

Vet clinics are the ultimate in private health care. If you've got the money, service is fast and efficient. I plunked down my credit card and the Bean was whisked into triage. By the time I'd come back from parking the car (I'd parked right at the door and left my flashers on so we could run in with her), my son and I were ushered into a small examining room and the vet and a student came in shortly thereafter.

The vet explained that Jelly Bean had a blood clot in her leg. It was probably due to her congenital heart murmur, which had never caused any problems over the years until last night. She then explained the prognosis, which was very, very poor despite the fact that Jelly Bean still had a bit of blood flow to the affected area. We were probably looking at a few weeks or months, with the distinct possibility of further blood clots and terrible pain. As humans, we always hear about clot busting drugs for stroke victims, but this did not seem to be an alternative for our cat.

If Jelly Bean had had a serious but treatable condition, I think we would have gone for the gold, but we were not prepared to spend thousands of dollars to give her a few more weeks of life, possibly in terrible pain. I think she would have needed an around-the-clock caregiver, just in case another clot formed and this too was impossible.

At this point, Jelly Bean had been given a substantial amount of morphine for the pain as well as a sedative since she had become extremely agitated and had actually bitten a technician. So we had to sit and wait until the sedative took effect before we could see her. My son called his brother, who was on the subway heading home from a friend's place. He got off the subway and got on the next train going back south and met us at the hospital just as a technician came in to say that we could see Jelly Bean. She was fairly calm by this point and was lying on a sheepskin-like blanket, wrapped in a towel. Her eyes were wet, probably from the effects of the various medications--but it looked like tears. The three of us patted her and spoke to her quietly. I kissed her head. Then we left.

Jelly Bean was euthanized shortly after midnight this morning, Aug. 31.

Jelly Bean was not an easy cat. She didn't like being held or patted very much, but she liked to stay nearby us, lying at our feet when we went to bed and then going to sleep with one of the boys, if they were still sleeping after my husband and I got up. She would often sit beside us on the couch if we were reading or watching TV.

Yes, it was only an orange tabby house cat who died. There are people dying from violence and starvation around the world as we speak and that's a reality we must fight. But she was our Bean and we're in mourning.

Bye-bye, JB. We loved you.

21 comments:

  1. I've been through the loss of a cat, my pet of choice, several times and it is extremely painful. Death of a pet isn't that different than that of a human. We form a bond with animals just as we do with humans and the severing of that pond is emotionally difficult. The universe invests energy in a variety of vessels and allows them to connect with the energies residing in different vessels in meaningful ways. Some call this "spirit" and everything has this energy. Losing the connection and interaction you have with a loved pet diminishes the quality of your life because that sort of interaction can never be duplicated. It is unique and special, and your mourning is understandable.

    My condolences to you for your loss.

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  2. Thank you so much, sfg. Beautifully said and very comforting. I've been crying on and off since I got up this morning.

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  3. I am so very sorry about the loss of your Jelly Bean. *hug*

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  4. Goodnight Jelly Bean.. :( (((hugs for mama)))

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  5. I've been through it a few times and it never gets any easier. As our animals get older I know eventually we'll be going through it again sadly.....my thoughts are with you and your family...take good care.

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  6. Awww, it's very sad losing a loved cat. Condolences. I'm glad we have euthanasia as a last favor for our pets, it truly is a kindness.

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  7. Condolences and hugs from me too. Sleep well Miss Bean.

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  8. So sorry to hear about Jelly Bean's death. She will no doubt leave an empty space for a long time. Of course she cannot be replaced. Hugs to you and your family. I hope you will grieve as much and as long as you need. <3

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  9. So sorry for the loss of your kittie. :(

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  10. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My wife had a cat she adored named Jelly Bean too, and she adored him as well.

    Peace,
    Shannon

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  11. This made me cry...I am so sorry for the loss of your Jelly Bean.

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  12. Thank you all so much! You really are a comfort to me.

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  13. I'm definitely crying for Jelly Bean and for cats that's I've lost in the past. "hugs"

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  14. I'm so sorry for your loss! Our pets are part of the family we build for ourselves, and their absence is profound. I'm sure the knowledge that Jelly Bean is no longer in pain will bring you peace in the days ahead.

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  15. Deepest sympathy to you & your family...
    If it's any consolation, I concur w/the extremely poor prognosis - in my experience, these poor kitties have multiple health problems & if they don't succumb to the immediate trauma of the first clot, it's the next one or other organ failure.
    (I treated one last month who responded well to emergency treatment, but we had to euthanize him less than two weeks later - turned out to have a tumor in his chest!)

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  16. Thanks again to all.

    Val, I appreciate your agreement with the diagnosis. We want to do the right thing by our furry friends.

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  17. Been there done that - and I know and understand the heartache. If its any consolation you took the right decision. My condolences to you and your family.

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  18. I'm so sorry you lost your furry friend. It must have been so scary to hear her cat cries and screams.
    She would have had a very loved and comfortable life being your companionx

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  19. Unless you have had a pet, it is impossible to imagine what joy they bring, the blood-pressure-lowering, constant companionship and love they provide. My heart goes out to you.

    In our home, we decided it would be time to put down our first dog (at 16!) when she lost, what we called, her doggy dignity. I hope someone has the wisdom to do the same for me!

    Perhaps if the time comes, you will find the strength to get another pet, while holding fast to the memories of Miss Bean.

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  20. So sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Jelly Bean. This post made me cry! We have two elderly cats, and they are very much a part of our family. It will be a sad day indeed when we have to say good-bye to them.

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  21. Once again, I have been away for a while and returned to catch up on your life. What a sad happening this is. By now, you may well be in a new phase of grief . . . or not.

    Losing pets, for many of us, is as hard as losing certain family members, because pets are family members -- ones who do not judge us or complain about our shortcomings or talk behind our backs or. . . etc. They just love, in their own ways. And they're each so individual. Rest in peace little curmudgeon, Jelly Bean.

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