I Can Make You Thin

A few years ago, after a disastrous operation, I started a blog to help me through the physical and emotional turmoil that I was experiencing. The blog is still out there in cyberspace, but I don't post anymore, nor do I send people to read it. It was almost too personal and I certainly wouldn't give the URL to someone who knows me in the "real" world.

So here I am again, trying out the blogging world--this time with a new, fresh perspective on my life and a desire to document it and reflect on the experience as it unfolds.

Now, for the admission of guilt: This is another "I'm going to lose weight-really-permanently-I can do it this time" blog. It's scary to put it down on paper because, as we all know, 95% of dieters ultimately fail. Don't tell me that I'm setting myself up for failure. This is a fact. That's why I've decided to lose weight by not dieting.

"Not dieting???", you say in amazement. "Yes," I answer truthfully.

Now, how am I going to square this circle? And so begins the blog:

A few months ago, I was at the office of a publicist and had a bit of time to kill (no, I'm not a publicist myself; I was doing some freelance work for the company). I found one of the books they were publicizing on a shelf and started leafing through it. The book was called "I Can Make You Thin", by British hypnotist Paul McKenna.

I have had (or felt I had) a weight problem ever since I can remember. As is the case for many of us, I have never felt happy about my body: too heavy, ugly legs, largish nose, etc. etc. Just the usual catalogue of less than perfect things that have always irked me about myself. What I now realize, though, is that I actually was not that heavy during a few years here and there of my young adulthood. According to my BMI (body mass index) calculation, there have been times in my life when I was actually a normal, healthy weight.

But that was then and this is now. Two pregnancies (I've got wonderful kids!), stress, yo-yo dieting (leading to a fear of food), the beginning of menopause and health issues that have prevented me from doing very much cardio-vascular exercise have led me to my current just-on-the-verge of obese state. In the past four years, though I have felt physically much better, my weight has been edging higher and higher as my belief in my ability to return to a normal, healthy weight has fallen to new lows.

Recently, I have felt torn by wanting on the one hand to accept my new, large size and on the other, worrying that if I don't lose weight I will be harming my health in new ways. For instance, for the first time in my life, my blood pressure is above normal. I find this very worrisome.

Back to the publicist's office: There I was, leafing through a book that was telling me that I could lose weight by eating whatever I want and whenever I want, as long as I ate slowly and consciously! Whatever I want???? Whenever I want??? This sounded mighty interesting. But I put the book down, got back to work and put it out of my mind for a few months.

To be continued...