Mindfulness

I was first introduced to the concept of mindfulness at a time in my life when I was desperately searching for a way to address my physical problems (failed surgery) without going stark, raving mad. I kept thinking about how badly things had gone--not just my operation, but so many things in my life. And when I wasn't obsessing about the past, the future made me crazy with fear. What if they couldn't fix my hip? What if I had to live like this forever? What if I never got to travel again? What if I could never go for a simple walk again? I was living either in the past or in the future. The present didn't exist. I suspect this is a common problem for many people. I have a strong tendency to obsess over things that are done and gone, things that I can't take back or that I should have done better or not done at all. I also imagine all kinds of horrible things that could happen. I won't even give you a sample of my crazy worrying.

Mindfulness is the polar opposite of everything I just described. In a nutshell, it means living in the present. Here is a slightly more elaborate definition that I found in Wikipedia:

Psychological "mindfulness" is broadly conceptualized, say Bishop et al.(2004:232), as "a kind of nonelaborative, nonjudgmental, present-centered awareness in which each thought, feeling, or sensation that arises in the attentional field is acknowledged and accepted as it is". They propose a two-component operational definition of "mindfulness".

The first component involves the self-regulation of attention so that it is maintained on immediate experience, thereby allowing for increased recognition of mental events in the present moment. The second component involves adopting a particular orientation toward one’s experiences in the present moment, an orientation that is
characterized by curiosity, openness, and acceptance. (2004:232) The former mindfulness component of self-regulated attention involves conscious awareness ofone's current thoughts, feelings, and surroundings, which can result in metacognitive skills for controlling concentration. The latter mindfulness component of orientation to experience involves accepting one's mindstream, maintaining open and curious attitudes, and thinking in alternative categories [...]

OK, that was a quite a bit more elaborate, but well worth reading.

What does this have to do with a weight loss/health/personal journey? A lot, in my opinion.

While planning and goal setting are laudable activities, without mindfulnesss, you can't fully benefit from the moment that you are actually doing all these wonderful things that you dreamed about or planned for so long.

The same applies when you're living in the past and rehashing all the horrible (though often minor) mistakes you made, turning them around in your mind. How can anyone move on when they can't stop themselves from living in the past?

Tomorrow and yesterday. I know what has already happened and yes, to a certain extent it helps me to forecast the future. But remember that famous line you find in every financial prospectus: "past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results". BTW, there are over 6 million hits for this phrase.

I think that if I have one new year's resolution, it is not to exercise more or lose more weight. My resolution is to live more in the moment: to be aware of how I feel, both mentally and physically and honour those feelings; to stop and smell the roses; to respect my hunger and my fullness now, not in some hypothetical future.

So I think this means that resolutions are out the window: my resolution is to be here now.

Cleaning Out Stuff

It feels like spring in the NewMe home. We just had a wall of built-ins installed in our basement, plus a small extra bookcase installed on the wall in my office and I'm just raring to slash and burn my way through the boxes that have been piling up over the last year and a half, plus the stuff that we never unpacked from our move, nine (NINE!!) years ago.

We did a fairly major renovation about 1 1/2 years ago and ended up with more living space and less storage space. Go figure. It's not a big house--something I'm actually proud of since it means we've got a smaller carbon footprint--but we've got too much stuff.

Stuff. It's like empty calories, leftovers at the back of the fridge. Ready-to-serve, boxed meals you just never got around to putting in a pot with water and heating up. Salt-inundated munchies.

Stuff. It's horrible.

I just put two adds on Craigslist, one is for skates and the other for a complete boy's taekwon do outfit. It was bought for my son when he was 6 years old and we were still living in Montreal. He did not continue with the sport once we moved to Toronto. He's now almost 17 and that darned outfit with pads, helmet, etc. has been sitting in a bag, piled on a box of who knows what for the past nine years.

Stuff. I feel like getting rid of some of this stuff will be like shedding ten pounds. It's a weight I really want to lose!

Update! The taekwon do outfit is sold to a cute little guy named Christian. Long live Craigslist!

The Say No to Size Zero Campaign

I can't post the picture at this site because it's under copyright, but I encourage you all to take a look.

This is a FAT woman--a woman who was fired from her job as a WonderBra model because she was much too fat.

Don't you all wish you were that fat? And for my gentlemen readers, don't you all wish that you had such a fat lady friend/wife?

Ambivalence

I've been feeling very ambivalent about my blogging recently. Perhaps it's just that I'm a bit ambivalent about my life right now: too much stress on many levels and the realization that I need to find a way to deal with it.

Food is not much of an issue compared to stress. It's been almost a year since I started changing my attitude towards food and how I eat. Although I don't think I was ever a particularly emotional eater, now food is even less of an issue. My stress comes out in other ways. My challenge is to deal with bad, stress-induced habits that have nothing to do with food, but that must be dealt with nevertheless.

I'm also feeling ambivalent towards blogging because I know the food message I advocate here is quite unorthodox. No plans, no planning, no calorie counting (of either food eaten or calories burned), no bad foods, no good foods--just lots of "soft skill" development: listening to and answering the hunger signal, listening to and respecting the fullness signal, legalizing all foods (thanks for the term, Francesca!), moving your body, loving yourself just as you are now rather than beating up on yourself for falling off the wagon, not looking perfect not getting results fast enough...

It would be great if I could say to everyone, "Look at me! It really works! I've lost all the weight I wanted to and kept it off!!", but that's not the case. The wall I've hit is totally related to my handicap and how it prevents me from doing the exercise I want and need to do. It's frustrating to realize that now that I have finally found what is right for me, I can't put it to work entirely. So the results, while good, are not all that they would have otherwise been.

People want to see results. I can't blame them. Weight-loss blog readers like numbers--preferably if they're going down. No numbers...yawn. No tangible change...yawn.

I think I do have a success story to tell. But it's not exciting and the real success lies in the long term. What if I manage to maintain the weight that I have lost (about half of my ideal goal) for two years, five years, forever, but never manage to lose the other half? In the "Biggest Loser" universe, I am a dud. In the weight-loss universe, I'm not very exciting.

I intend to just keep plodding along.

Help Fight Breast Cancer!

This video is GREAT!!! Pass it on! The more hits it gets, the more money
that will be donated!!!!

A lady recently created, directed and choreographed this in Portland last week for her Medline glove division as a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness. This was all her idea to help promote their new pink gloves. I don't know how she got so many employees, doctors and patients to participate, but it started to really catch on and they all had a lot of fun doing it.
When the video gets 1 million hits, Medline will be making a huge contribution to the hospital, as well as offering free mammograms for the community. Please check it out.

It's an easy and great way to donate to a wonderful cause, and who hasn't been touched by breast cancer?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEdVfyt-mLw

Too Much TV--Yet Another Review

Photo from News.com

This past Sunday night, I snuggled up in my big comfy bed at the Delta Hotel after an exhausting and difficult day of work. I would have liked to do a bit of time on the hotel's treadmill, but I'm still being rather careful about how much I walk, due to my recent hip scare. I did actually take a brisk walk around the floor I was on a few times, but it wasn't much.

Anyhoo, after going over the documents for the next day's meeting (a real snorefest), I got into my PJs and settled in for some serious TV viewing.

I ended up watching three programmes on TLC, all dealing with the trials and tribulations of the morbidly obese.

The first programme followed a teenager who had been hospitalized so that he could start losing weight, with a view towards eventually getting bariatric surgery. It was really depressing, as his weight problem was directly linked to some very, very dysfunctional family dynamics. There was also a parallel story about another teenager who had had the surgery and was going nowhere with the weight loss. Again, a terrible family dynamic seemed to be at the root of his weight problem.

But the two programmes that I watched a lot more carefully dealt with the so-called "650 pound virgin". How's that for an attention-getting moniker? Reel 'em in with that title and then create a pretty superficial programme that doesn't get at the root of anything. Both of the programmes were depressing. Again, the reason for his excessive eating and morbid obesity was basically psychological. The programme did look at the psychological aspects somewhat, but of course, the main theme of the programme was how this now good-looking young man was finally going to find a girl friend (and judging by the title of the show, finally get laid). His attempts at speed dating and meeting with various life/dating "coaches" didn't seem to get him anywhere. There was even a scene where he just couldn't get the words "give me your phone number" out. I felt really uncomfortable.

Virgin show number two showed our hapless friend still with his virginity intact, still room mates with his personal trainer (a more buff guy you couldn't imagine), and with 30 pounds back on. He still seemed massively uncomfortable with himself and the show continued on its superficial way. One scene showed him "counselling" his obese sister, who was talking about the heartbreak of splitting up with her boyfriend two years previous and her signifcant weight gain. Believe me, I can understand that heartbreak (been there, done that, still remember every moment of it), I can understand trying to quell the pain with food, but there was something so voyeuristic and yet completely superficial about their talk. It was all for the camera and there was no substance.

Yes, he finally lost his virginity. But it wasn't at all as he had hoped. Another superficial experience, from what he said on camera...

As I watched the two shows, I felt like I had been watching a car crash. I felt like this poor man had emotionally stripped himself naked for the camera and for what? In addition to eating healthily and working with a personal trainer, what this poor guy needed was some serious psychotherapy. But psychotherapy does not make for good television and anyway, it's covered by privacy laws so even if you could make good television out of it, you wouldn't be allowed to.

I wondered why there was no discussion of his recent weight gain. Granted, when you've lost over 400 pounds, 30 pounds is not huge, but it does indicate that something might be going on. That's what I wanted to know about although no information was forthcoming.

Maybe I'm asking for too much from my TV shows. I just don't want to hear anymore about what he ate and how he exercised and what the dating coach said. I wanted to know what was going on in his heart and soul. That's where it's really at and that's probably too personal to ever find out about.

What Not to Wear

I rarely watch "What Not to Wear" with Stacy London and Clinton Kelly on TLC. I often don't particularly like the clothing they choose for their fashion-backward subjects. But I really enjoyed the episode about Bailey, a radio show host in Denver who had lost 60 pounds but was still walking around in super baggy pants and oversized t-shirts. It's season 7, episode 9.

The new Bailey was no skinny minny but she was a lovely woman with some great curves in all the right places, plus curly hair to die for and gorgeous blue eyes. I was really moved by how sad she was, despite the great work she'd done on herself. In her head, she was still in the big body she had left behind.

I have to say that I really enjoyed the transformation of Bailey, especially because even with the great weight loss, she was nowhere near "catwalk skinny"--you know, how we're all "supposed" to look. The new Bailey looked like a real woman and she looked fabulous, dahling. Here's a link to the Bailey episode with a great picture of her.

Kudos to "What Not to Wear"!